Change is hard

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Lately I’ve been looking for additional strategies to help me achieve my goals. Over the past 18 months I’ve made two changes, shedding one bad habit and embracing one good habit, thanks in part to author Katy Milkman, who wrote “How to Change.”

What I’ve learned over the past 18 months is that being consistent in maintaining good habits and keeping from reverting to bad ones is a daily kind of business. I have to keep lifting those weights to maintain those muscles, literally and figuratively. And while the suite of strategies in Milkman’s book are good, sometimes I want a bright new thing to try to keep me headed in the direction my best self wants to go.

So I’ve been browsing through other books about change. I’m struck by how many of them promise easy or simple techniques. That has not been my experience at all. A technique may be simple or easy to describe. Actually deploying it, that’s a whole other thing.

To adapt a great line from the film “The Princess Bride:” Change is hard. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

Here are three things I learned from Katy Milkman’s book that have helped me to maintain changes and pursue goals:

  • Pairing. Combine a pleasant thing with a less-pleasant one. I used this strategy to help myself study for my ham radio license. I’d place a light tea light below a small bowl of water with an aromatic oil, like rose or lavender, a pleasing ritual to get me started studying something that came hard for me.
  • Recording progress. I have a “got done” calendar, a daily record of the number of words written, miles walked, dance classes attended, my weight — whatever I want to keep track of. Tracking, especially my weight, helps me be aware of the impact of my choices. Those calendars are also hugely reassuring when I forget how much I have done to meet goals.
  • Understanding my personal barriers to change. It varies, depending on the goal. I have enough experience now with this purposeful effort to change to know that I can often overcome my own inertia. One of my favorite strategies is taken from AA. I don’t have to refrain from (fill in the blank) forever. Just for today.

I don’t have boatloads of willpower, but I have some. And because of Milkman’s book, I have strategies. I don’t think she says anywhere in her work that change is easy. But she does offer hope that it is doable.

Better tool

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That moment when you decide to try stretcher bars after four years of embroidery using the classic hoop.

Should have migrated years ago. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get the fabric for the owl project, and many others, sufficiently tight in the hoop. For me, the big challenge with thread painting embroidery is keeping the fabric from puckering. That great horned owl design, by the way, is Trish Burr, who’s embroidery has to be seen to be believed.

By contrast for my current project, a sweet little swirly floral thing designed by artist Hazel Blomkamp, the cotton is tacked down on wood stretcher bars as taut as I need.

Digging on the ease of it all.

The weapon of suspense…

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In yesterday’s blog I mentioned E.M. Forster’s book “Aspects of the Novel.” An early 20th-century novelist, Forster’s book on writing has been on my desk for a couple of decades. It is taken from a series of lectures he gave on the subject and has a fine spoken feel, in addition to being true, and useful. Here’s a sample: Forster discussing story.

Let us listen to three voices. If you ask one type of man, “What does a novel do?” he will reply placidly: “Well—I don’t know—it seems a funny sort of question to ask—a novel’s a novel—well, I don’t know—I suppose it kind of tells a story, so to speak.” He is quite good-tempered and vague, and probably driving a motor-bus at the same time and paying no more attention to literature than it merits. Another man, whom I visualize as on a golf-course, will be aggressive and brisk. He will reply: “What does a novel do? Why, tell a story of course, and I’ve no use for it if it didn’t. I like a story. Very bad taste on my part, no doubt, but I like a story. You can take your art, you can take your literature, you can take your music, but give me a good story. And I like a story to be a story, mind, and my wife’s the same.” And a third man he says in a sort of drooping regretful voice, “Yes—oh, dear, yes—the novel tells a story.” I respect and admire the first speaker. I detest and fear the second. And the third is myself. Yes—oh, dear, yes—the novel tells a story. That is the fundamental aspect without which it could not exist. That is the highest factor common to all novels, and I wish that it was not so, that it could be something different—melody, or perception of the truth, not this low atavistic form.

For the more we look at the story (the story that is a story, mind), the more we disentangle it from the finer growths that it supports, the less shall we find to admire. It runs like a backbone—or may I say a tape-worm, for its beginning and end are arbitrary. It is immensely old—goes back to neolithic times, perhaps to palæolithic. Neanderthal man listened to stories, if one may judge by the shape of his skull. The primitive audience, gaping round the camp-fire, fatigued with contending against the mammoth or the woolly rhinoceros, and only kept awake by suspense. What would happen next? The novelist droned on, and as soon as the audience guessed what happened next, they either fell asleep or killed him. We can estimate the dangers incurred when we think of the career of Scheherazade in somewhat later times. Scheherazade avoided her fate because she knew how to wield the weapon of suspense—the only literary tool that has any effect upon tyrants and savages. 

There are many many books about writing. Among my favorites: “Bird by Bird,” written by that expert of the inner landscape Anne LaMott; and “Story,” a book about screenwriting that’s wonderful for any kind of writer, by Robert McKee. But I come back to Forster when I want a sympathetic colleague standing over my shoulder offering humor with a bit of backbone that often gets me back on track.

Bob Dylan revisited

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Don’t know if it’s the February sky — low and drizzly — but Bob Dylan’s “Oh Mercy” (1989) and “Love and Theft” (2001) drew me in recently. I’m struck by how precise and yet how loosey- goosey Dylan’s lyrics feel.

“What Good am I?” from “Oh Mercy” captures in such simple language and tones how I feel sometimes when I consider my place in my home and my community and the world.

“What good am I if I know and don’t do,
If I see and don’t say, if I look right through you,
If I turn a deaf ear to the thunderin’ sky,
What good am I
?”

Contemplative. Gently pointed.

From “Mississippi” on “Love and Theft” there’s this oddly longing yet upbeat feel. The lines that linger for me:

“Well my ship’s been split to splinters and it’s sinking fast
I’m drownin’ in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it’s light and it’s free
I’ve got nothin’ but affection for all those who’ve sailed with me”

Also from “Love and Theft,” I’m just grooving on the easy rhythm of “Moonlight,” that feels like a sweet tribute to ’40s-era jazzy pop. Dylan seems to have chosen words for how well their syllables sync with the rhythm.

“The boulevards of cypress trees
The masquerades of birds and bees
The petals, pink and white, the wind has blown
Won’t you meet me out in the moonlight alone?”

As I listen and think about the way songwriters use language, I appreciate how writing is both mysterious and contrived, structural and free.

I think that’s why writers must give free rein to the spin of uncontrolled imaginings and then pull those reins to bring shape and narrative form in the service story. For free expression, the poets/songwriters may be the best teachers. For narrative structure, I love E.M. Forster’s “Aspects of the Novel.”

Close observation

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Last week, a Townsend’s warbler showed up at our backyard bird feeder. The picture of this little guy comes from the All About Bird’s website, Cornell University’s ornithology lab, which is an excellent site for birding info.

The Townsend’s warbler is a West Coast species, a bird about the size of a chickadee, and it only partakes of our feeder in late winter/early spring. This bird prefers the high canopy of fir forests, and drops down to city yards when the forest pickings are slim, or it’s migrating from warmer southern forests. I think we get them because we live in a neighborhood of mature evergreens, including cedars and firs and even a couple of towering sequoias.

I’m more dilettante than devoted birder, but I know this little guy because its distinctive yellow is so much brighter than that of goldfinches, the other yellow birds common at our feeder.

Any activity that requires close observation (Is that a varied thrush or a robin, a rough-legged hawk or an osprey?) benefits writers. Verisimilitude often lives in the small details. My hand-embroidery practice also enhances observation skills. Replicating the colors of nature with thread requires me to spend a lot of time on the tiniest details.

Observation isn’t limited to the visual channel. Last week Craig and I spent several days in Astoria. At an overlook above the mouth of the mighty Columbia River, on a rain-smeared afternoon, we sat gawking at the gray churning water and the distant forested slopes on the Washington side of the river. Then I heard the unmistakable sound of eagles. American movie makers don’t really like the chittering high-pitched call of actual eagles, so they often substitute the cry of some other hawks, the red-tailed hawk, for example, but I’ve learned to tell the difference.

I didn’t know we’d see eagles this particular day, but I’d brought my spotting scope and two of the three eagles circling and calling settled at the top of a Douglas fir tree for more than an hour. We got a good long look at them. What surprised me was how long the two eagles spent facing each other, just inches apart, without really moving. I wondered if we were seeing mating behavior.

So not writing

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Real-world making brings some kind of benefit to a writer. Using actual materials with actual tools provides a different creative boost. So I tell myself. Maybe it’s just writing avoidance.

Anyway. The barrel chair. When I bought it more than a decade ago, I thought it was a leather chair. But it was something they call bonded leather, a product that has the same relationship to leather that medium-density fiber board has to solid wood. It failed quickly, which was a shame because it’s one of my favorite chairs.

I have no experience with upholstery. On the other hand, I’ve worked through the making stages with other projects and thought I had most of the skills to pull it off.

Previous projects: I designed and constructed bug netting for the van windows, a hand-sewn quilt that took almost a year to complete, and an intricate embroidery work that included challenging stitching, then mounting and framing the work. With no looming deadline, these projects were more like play.

Bonded leather fails in a particular peeling fashion. No way to fix it. I used my seam ripper to remove it from the chair which under the fake outer material looked well-constructed (solid wood, in other words). I detached all the pieces that had been sewn together so I’d have templates to use to cut my new fabric, a sturdy polyester-acrylic blend. I sacrificed an old loose-weave cotton drop-cloth to do a practice run so as not to waste expensive fabric on the learning curve.

I laid out the bonded leather pieces on the cotton, cut them out and then sewed them together and fitted them over the chair to ensure the strategy would work.

It did so I repeated the effort with the expensive fabric.

The internet — with all its great how-to videos — made my effort seem reasonably achievable and convinced me I’d need an upholstery stapler to succeed. A DIY upholsterer helped me figure out which pneumatic stapler would be best for me. And the manufacturer I chose had some great how-to videos showing how to use the stapler on real-world projects. (I only injured myself slightly learning how not to injure myself.)

Here’s the newly covered chair. Perfectly good though not entirely perfect.

Perhaps real-world work buttresses imaginative work. Or maybe just taking a break from being in my head is its chief value.

Reading slow and deep

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I took Betsy James’ new memoir with me on a road trip to the Canadian Rockies and found it a fine antidote to hours of driving. The world rushing by at 70 mph, the shift from rolling canola fields to jagged upthrust peaks, the rumbling trains, the smoke from fires — my mind getting edgy and tight.

And then comes a quiet evening in a remote camp and time to open a book. “Breathing Stone” isn’t in a rush. It’s in a place. James unfolds the place in language that is, on some pages, serene and beckoning, on others rough and wild.

After months of being swept up in mysteries and thrillers, racing through narratives that are all about what happens next, I find it pleasing to be in a book about what happens now and always.

An excerpt won’t really capture this. I think one need all the words in their delicate and particular order. I am reminded a little of Edward Abbey’s “Desert Solitaire”, another book that offers the gift of place to a reader.

It’s like being brought back to one’s self.

Night visitors

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Stuff happens after dark. We see the evidence in the morning. Flowers chomped, bird bath tipped over, stuff like that.

Last week we got a trail camera that snaps photos when it detects movement. Last night we got a two-fer, raccoon and the almost full moon.

We don’t know what the li’l guy was up to as this pic is the only one we captured. We moved the camera to another zone for tonight. Some animal (perhaps the raccoon) is prying up the smaller stone pavers on our west-side path. Looking for slugs? Maybe. We’ll see. I hope.

For the technologically curious, we got a Gardepro with an app that lets us see what’s on the trail cam from the cell phone.

Chickadees for Liz

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Thread painting — using embroidery thread to create images — is a thing I’ve been trying the last three years. I’m starting to get the hang of it.

The chickadees are DMC cotton thread on linen fabric dyed using Derwent Inktense pencils.

To see the genius artists of this genre, check My Modern Met’s collection of examples from 2016.

A couple of other stunning eartists: Charles & Elin and Ana Teresa Barbosa.

Fun thing about a project like this is it helps you identify areas that need more learning and practice. Coordinating colors is much more difficult that I had understood. Also dyeing fabric is an art that probably takes years to master.